Is Hannah Montana the Antichrist?

Back in the old days (before say…1990), little girls were like miniature adults, taken to societal role-playing to have their fun, things like sitting down to mini grownup tea parties and nurturing baby dolls, while little boys spent their time killing small animals and playing video games.

They were the unspoiled demographic - mostly ignored by Madison Avenue, Hollywood, and the other assorted taste makers who define exactly what it is we want and need.

Back in those more innocent times, you would often hear that the women could be our salvation:

If women ran the world there would be no war. If women were in charge we would all eat three square meals a day, no one would spit or fart, and toilet seats would always be left down.

Now after almost two decades of bombardment from the heaviest artillery in MTV, E! Television, and US Weekly’s arsenals, that innocent little girl has been obliterated. A line that stretched from Laura Ingalls Wilder in her Little House on the Prairie…through “baby talk” Cindy Brady…all the way down to Drew Barrymore in ET, has been broken. Looking back Barrymore’s performance might have been the high watermark for pig-tailed innocence. When she fell, dramatically and publicly, she pulled all of our little girls down with her.

What has followed has been a steady stream of hyper-sexualized female role models; Lady Feminism has gone macho, like she took a shot of testosterone to the buttocks, grabbed her crotch, and took a seat on a bar stool in Reno, Nevada.

First there was Pam Anderson becoming the world’s most famous woman. Her constantly inflating and deflating breasts, questionable relationship choices, and public sexual escapades were an inspiration to a generation. Then came Christina, Paris, Lindsay, and Britney…

You would hope that the cautionary tale told by these new faces of feminism would scare the tweens currently coming of age. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem to be working like that. The genie is out of the bottle (thanks Xtina for the metaphor). Today’s little girl knows that sex sells, that sex equals power, and she knows it before she can handle it.

The queen apparent of this new generation, Hannah Montana, the girl who came out of nowhere to suddenly be everywhere, appears to be mobilizing her army. Her minions are gearing up at your local mall, buying ever shorter skirts, and trading secrets on effective hand job techniques.

It would appear that tomorrow’s little boys don’t stand a chance, what with their raging hormones and all. The new girl-next-door, 10 years old and equipped with plastic C-cups, is far too formidable an opponent. I guess we’ll soon be seeing what the world would be like with women in charge. I, for one, will be making sure to put the toilet seat down.